After my husband died, I often felt really overwhelmed by the enormity of my new situation. Sometimes I literally had a panic attack, as fear struck, questioning how I would manage with him, emotionally and financially.
That’s where I discovered the magic of writing down my accomplishments, big and small, in what I call my “List of Achievements.” In the midst of all the sadness and confusion, I discovered it was really important to look at the evidence of how I was already managing without him and to acknowledge how strong and capable I’ve been since that loss. You might find this a useful exercise too.
Now, don’t let the word “achievements” scare you. I’m not talking about winning a Nobel Prize, though, if you did, congratulations! I mean things like getting out of bed on a tough day, handling something that your partner used to do for you or tackling a task that used to overwhelm you.
Here’s why keeping a list of your achievements is such a game-changer:
It’s a Confidence Boost
In the chaos of grief, it’s easy to feel like you’re not doing enough or that you’re not coping well. But when you start keeping track of your accomplishments—no matter how small—it can be incredibly empowering. Looking back, you realise how much you’ve grown, and it’s a gentle reminder that you’re doing better than you think.
You Can Build On It
Every time you write something down, you’re acknowledging your progress. Maybe at first, it’s simple things like getting back into a routine or making a decision without second-guessing yourself. As time goes on, you might notice that your achievements start to get bigger and bolder. From tiny steps to leaps and bounds, this list shows how you’re rebuilding your life, piece by piece.
It Helps You Reflect
When you look back at your list, you’ll be surprised at how far you’ve come. Grief has its ups and downs, and some days can be especially hard. But looking at this list is like a little time capsule of strength and resilience. It shows that even on the toughest days, you’ve kept going. That’s something to be proud of.
Big Wins & Little Victories
I add everything to my list—from the huge wins, like handling important decisions on my own such as buying and selling a house, to the tiny ones, like sorting out the broom cupboard so everything didn’t fall out every time I opened the door! Both matter because they all contribute to healing in their own way. So, don’t be shy about writing down even the smallest victories. Trust me, they add up!
It’s a Personal Celebration
We often think of “celebrating” as something we do for others or on big occasions. But this list is all about you. It’s your personal celebration of all the things you’ve achieved while navigating loss. Every addition to the list is proof of your resilience, adaptability, and courage.
How to Start Your Own List
Download the free My Achievements List here, grab a notebook, or even just use your phone’s notes app, and start jotting things down. Think back to all the things you’ve managed since losing your loved one, no matter how small. Did you cook a meal you used to enjoy with them without crying? Put it on the list. Did you manage a visit to a place that you knew you would find triggering? Or did you get a new job? That goes on, too.
Keep Adding To It
The beauty of this list is that it’s always growing. Whenever you feel down or doubt yourself, take a look and remind yourself of everything you’ve already overcome. You’ll find that the list serves as a quiet but powerful reminder of your strength. And the best part? You’re not done yet—there’s always more to add!
So, whether you’re already keeping track or just starting out, I encourage you to try it. It’s a simple but profound way to reflect on your journey and give yourself the credit you deserve. Because, trust me, you’re doing amazing, even when it doesn’t feel that way.
And remember, every step forward is an achievement worth celebrating. Keep going, and keep building that list—you’ve got this!
Anna x
PS Do share some of your achievements in the comments – big or small, they are all meaningful and we know how much it takes to do them without your loved one’s support.